April 4, 2013
I know some of you saw the title of this post and immediately thought of the Miami Hurricanes. Some of you had thoughts of Michael Irvin, Warren Sapp, or even The Rock. Well my friends, I am not even almost talking about that famous Florida university. However, I am talking about school.
As is my hope, all of you who read this attended some version of elementary or middle school during your time on earth. During your time there, you were graded on conduct as well as your grades. Your grades ranged from A to F. “A” being the best and “F” being the worst. Conduct was based on a scale of E to U. “E” being the best and “U” being the absolute worst. Basically, a U was like the equivalent of having a 50 for the semester. It means you went out of your way to be a complete a**hole and disruption to the class. Well, all of that said will now bring me to my point….
March 20, 2013
It’s been a REALLY long time since I posted anything as things in the parenting world changed for me. At the time, I was just going to shut it all down but low and behold, I’m about to start it all over again. Yep, got another one on the way. And you know what’s even better, I ordered up another lil’ mama. For those of you who read my previous posts know about my many difficult, and sometimes fun, adventures I had with my oldest daughter. Everything from lying, to sneaking, to just being plain damn nasty. If not, please peruse the site and enjoy.
With that said, I do have a sidekick in this baby saving adventure. Godsfavoriteshoes is my road dawg and little does she know, she’ll be doing most of the heavy lifting. Hell, lil mama will be here in the summer, she doesn’t work in the summer, so….what do y’all think is going to happen? I’m just saying. (I’m sure she is going to read this and chop me in half but…….)
June 18, 2012
Father’s Day came and went yesterday without so much as a whimper. I’ve been a father for the past 12 years and this one might be the most memorable. The first one will always be the best as it is the beginning of what is to be many more Father’s Days to come. However, yesterday was one that will rest on the mantle next to the first as this may have been the worst.
Father’s Day is supposed to be a day when all fathers rejoice in what fatherhood is. It is a time when we are to reflect on the life that we have created and take a moment to bask in the goodness that we have molded as responsible parents. Real fathers relish this day. Maybe I should say Daddies relish this day as those of us who are called Daddy have a bond with our children that is unlike any other.
I say all of that to say that yesterday, my bond was damaged. I was not one of the lucky ones who spent time with his child. We did not go to church together. I did not get a handmade card or a pair of socks and an ugly tie. I did not get breakfast in bed or lunch. I didn’t even get so much as much as a phone call. I tried hard all day to hold back the emotion that was brewing in me and I think I pulled it off. I was asked several times “has she called”, and I could only muster a “no” under the false pretense of not caring or acting as though it didn’t matter. Truth is, it did. It did matter.
Those of you that have read my blog posts in the past may say that I deserved it based on some of my comments. However, I’m not as hard as I may seem. I’m more bark than bite. I love my daughter to death and I want nothing but the best for her. Some of the things that she does defies reason and I have to do triple takes sometimes but I do understand that she is a kid and that’s what kids do. I didn’t deserve what happened to me yesterday. Nothing I’ve ever done warranted that.
There have been several incidents that have happened over the course of the past few months that have put a serious strain on our relationship. Without going into too much detail, other parties have infiltrated what we had and severed the bond that I have spent the last 2 plus years building. Now, I don’t know where we go.
I write this post with a heavy heart as Father’s Day died for me yesterday. It was the first Father’s Day in 12 years that I have been without my lil mama and I’m not even sure it will be the last. I don’t know where to go from here but I’ll figure it out. With Godsfavoriteshoes on my team we’ll get through it.
I have nothing but love, respect, and admiration for all of the good fathers out there who handle their business. Keep up the good work and keep up the good fight. I thought I was right there with you on the battle lines keeping the enemy at bay, I guess at some point I failed. Man down…..
No real father deserves this.
What would Cliff Huxtable do?
June 8, 2012
Parents out there, I want to share something with you. You should actually already know it but if you don’t, I’m going to help you figure it out.
Your kid isn’t that awesome!
1. Just because your kid is singing at church doesn’t automatically make them a song bird. Jesus knows they can’t sing, you should accept it too.
2. Little kids can’t play basketball. It’s no fun to watch. I don’t want to see a bunch of kids running with the ball, crying, and stealing it from their own teammates. It is no damn fun to watch a basketball game for 30 minutes and the final score is 10 to 6. That *ish IS NOT FUN!
Parents, it’s alright to admit that your child doesn’t have any talent. It doesn’t mean that they never will, it just means that they suck right now. If you invite me to your kid’s basketball game when he’s in 9th grade, I’ll probably show up. But, please, don’t invite me to see lil’ man play before he can even tie his damn shoes. (Nothing worse than the coach calling time out to tie shoes, that is some bulls**t)
Some have called me a mean parent but I just try and keep it real with mine. Case in point, my lil mama has expressed some interest in singing and I try to be open to her endeavors. However, that little girl can’t sing. I mean, she isn’t like a dying cat bad but she isn’t any good either. I try and support her in what she does but my love can only go so damn far. I tell her things like, “you can carry a note” but I would be wrong to tell her she was awesome, right? I can’t even do her like that. She told me that she was going to sing a solo at school in the program and I was like “oh…….”. I’m just sayin.
I say all of that to reiterate to you guys, your kid isn’t special. Stop it. Maybe one day he/she will grow up to be the next LeBron James or Candice Parker, but now, they SUCK! Just accept it. Help them excel in school. But, if your kid is not athletic, can’t sing/dance, and is dumb as a rock, I don’t know what to tell you.
May 25, 2012
If it all boils down to me being an a**hole about the situation I can deal with that but I didn’t know graduating high school was a grandiose accomplishment. Yes, I am aware of the fact that you can drop out and everything in between but for the most part, you have to go to school. Unless you had the most f**ked up parents on the planet, they made you go and expected you to finish, right? I’m just confused; I don’t understand what the big deal is. Don’t get me wrong, there are certain circumstances that warrant all of the hooping and hollering as you step across the stage. Some kids come from troubled homes, group homes, broken homes, poverty, etc. I get that. If you made it through with all of those obstacles, you deserve someone yelling your name and blowing an air horn. There were two special needs students at my brother’s graduation that got standing ovations and I totally get that. That was a MAJOR accomplishment. But…….if you drove yourself to the damn graduation in a brand new car, come on!
Seriously, kids can’t even fail now days so what is all the fuss about? Kids are happy to get 70’s and the teachers are more than happy to give it to them. The emphasis is on the state exams and not curriculum. The kids know this and take advantage of it. If I was a student, I wouldn’t do *ish either. The minute I thought I was about to fail, just go to the counselor, plead my case and my teacher will modify my work/grades to help me pass. Know the game and play it well and you can coast through school now.
Maybe it’s the punka** parents that cause all of this. I was scared of not graduating so I had to make it happen. I didn’t get a new car, new shoes, clothes or anything like that in school. I had a damn job. I didn’t get rewarded for making D’s! “Oh baby, at least you passed”. Man, F**k that! My mama hit me across the head for *ish like that. (I guess that’s why I always lied about getting my report card) My mom expected me to graduate and go to college. (I guess that’s why she was mad the whole 2 years I sat around the house and did nothing) Not finishing high school was not an option.
Look, I’m just saying that it doesn’t make any damn sense to me. Parents reward mediocrity and the kids accept it. Parents are happy that little Eric graduated with all D's and 1.5 GPA. At least he made it, right. Okay, okay, okay, some kids are just plain damn dumb! If your kid is one of those kids, be happy. But, if you just had a child that skated by, don't be happy for their lazy a** bareley making it. The grad who did it with honors, scholarships, awards, deserves some face time because they put in the work. Your lazy a** child doesn't deserve *ish for barley completing a job that they were SUPPOSED to finish!
The stigma is that finishing high school makes you grown. NO IT DOESN’T! You aren’t grown until you hit the real world, leave mama, pay some damn bills, bump your head a couple times…..let go of her titty! That’s grown! Diploma and 18 doesn’t make you grown and I wish they would stop with that *ish! Getting a diploma just means you finished something that you were supposed to finish and now it’s time to move one. Going to college is a privilege and completing your degree is an accomplishment. No one made you wake up in the morning and go to class. No one made you enroll. No one make you cram and pay attention. YOU did that on your own. That deserves recognition. Kudos to you college grad!
Parents, be happy for your children when they step across the stage and accept that highschool diploma but DAMN, little Johnny didn’t just win the Nobel Peace Prize. He completed high school; he was supposed to do that…..
Would Heathcliff do all that?
April 3, 2012
As a person, as a parent, there is nothing worse than being lied to. It’s magnified even more when it’s your own child who’s doing the lying. And to add insult to injury, it pisses me off even more when my 11 year old child tries to pull a fast one on me. There’s a mantra in my house, “Don’t try to out think me, you can’t! “ However, it never fails as girl wonder always tries to do it……
Alright, so let me paint the picture. In addition to getting email alerts about grades, I can log on and check daily grades, tests, homework, etc. Well, I’m perusing her grades and I come across a ZERO. I can halfway deal with a poor score but a “0” just means yo a** didn’t do the work. I don’t like that. Fast forward…….I ask about the zero and she says “Daddy, I turned it in but she forgot to put the grade in.” Really, dawg? Really?......What I heard was, “Daddy, I think you’re dumb as hell and I’m going to tell you this lame story in hopes that you believe it.” Well, I tell her to just have the teacher correct the grade and email me. Cool, right? Hell naw! The next day, she still has a zero and I ask about it. She proceeds to pull out a worksheet and says, “See Daddy, I did it, she just didn’t put the grade in the book.” Okay Grasshopper, “Why is there no date and or grade on the paper? Why isn’t this the same damn assignment that is marked as zero online?” The assignment was for Verbs and this sheet says NOUNS!……..It is Daddy, I don’t know why she put the wrong assignment in the computer. Okay Grasshopper….. So, I give her another chance to tell the truth and I tell her again, “if this is the story you’re sticking with, don’t come home with a ZERO.” Yep, she rolled with it and got out of the car.
February 10, 2012
What’s going on Blog world? I hope all is well. We haven’t chatted in a while and I apologize. However, I can’t keep you guys out of the loop too long, right? Well, wanna hear it, here it go…….
Well, we wake lil mama up and ask “why did you eat both ice cream sandwiches”? What does she say, “I didn’t, and I don’t know what y’all are talking about”. Woooord? (In my Jill Scott voice) We present the forensic evidence, fingerprints, blood spatter, shell casings, and of course the wrappers and she still says, “I didn’t eat it”. I’m looking at her like “you can’t be serious right now” but she was looking at me with tears in her eyes denying it.
Scene 2: we wake up the next day and I ask again, “you sure it wasn’t you that took the ice cream”? It wasn’t me daddy…..Notice, we are in day 2 of this lie right now but I say “okay”. (I’m giving this fool a chance to confess, make it right…..nope)
Well, we’ll fast forward to that night and at this point GFS is fed up and she commences with operation “Whoop Ass”. I hear all kinds of yelling and thumping but I don’t say a word. (I was having a Top Chef moment anyway and didn’t want to break away from my gorgeous meal) Twenty minutes later, lil mama comes down and FINALLY admits that she ate both sandwiches. Now, it’s time for the good part….
So, I look at this fool and couldn’t help but laugh. I had to tell her how dumb it was to do what she did. Not dumb in the sense that it wasn’t honest but dumb in the sense that it was just some dumb ass *ish! How in the hell you gonna steal 2 items when there are ONLY 2 ITEMS? What kind of dumb ass *ish is that! If there were 7 or so, maybe you can explain away one being missing. YOU TOOK ALL OF THEM GENIUS! In addition, you have no alibi or anyone else to take the blame. NO ONE ELSE could have done it! I’m looking at this fool like, really? So, you just gonna lie all the way to the electric chair and hope that if you admit what you did your life will be saved? Man, get off my phone with that *ish! Oh, forgot to mention that when I asked her why she did it she replied, “I didn’t think I was gonna get caught”. Wooooord? (In my Jill Scott voice again) Fool, ain’t no one else to catch! You’re the only suspect! Damnit boy!
What in the hell would Cliff Huxtable do?