Just a Little Something Extra.....

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June 18, 2012

Father's Day is Dead.....

Father’s Day came and went yesterday without so much as a whimper.  I’ve been a father for the past 12 years and this one might be the most memorable.  The first one will always be the best as it is the beginning of what is to be many more Father’s Days to come. However, yesterday was one that will rest on the mantle next to the first as this may have been the worst.
Father’s Day is supposed to be a day when all fathers rejoice in what fatherhood is.  It is a time when we are to reflect on the life that we have created and take a moment to bask in the goodness that we have molded as responsible parents.  Real fathers relish this day.  Maybe I should say Daddies relish this day as those of us who are called Daddy have a bond with our children that is unlike any other.
I say all of that to say that yesterday, my bond was damaged.  I was not one of the lucky ones who spent time with his child.  We did not go to church together.  I did not get a handmade card or a pair of socks and an ugly tie.  I did not get breakfast in bed or lunch.  I didn’t even get so much as much as a phone call.  I tried hard all day to hold back the emotion that was brewing in me and I think I pulled it off.  I was asked several times “has she called”, and I could only muster a “no” under the false pretense of not caring or acting as though it didn’t matter.  Truth is, it did. It did matter.
Those of you that have read my blog posts in the past may say that I deserved it based on some of my comments.  However, I’m not as hard as I may seem.  I’m more bark than bite. I love my daughter to death and I want nothing but the best for her.  Some of the things that she does defies reason and I have to do triple takes sometimes but I do understand that she is a kid and that’s what kids do.  I didn’t deserve what happened to me yesterday.  Nothing I’ve ever done warranted that.
There have been several incidents that have happened over the course of the past few months that have put a serious strain on our relationship.  Without going into too much detail, other parties have infiltrated what we had and severed the bond that I have spent the last 2 plus years building.  Now, I don’t know where we go. 
I write this post with a heavy heart as Father’s Day died for me yesterday.  It was the first Father’s Day in 12 years that I have been without my lil mama and I’m not even sure it will be the last.  I don’t know where to go from here but I’ll figure it out.  With Godsfavoriteshoes on my team we’ll get through it. 
I have nothing but love, respect, and admiration for all of the good fathers out there who handle their business.  Keep up the good work and keep up the good fight.  I thought I was right there with you on the battle lines keeping the enemy at bay, I guess at some point I failed. Man down…..
No real father deserves this.
What would Cliff Huxtable do?

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