Ice Cream Bandit!

What’s going on Blog world?  I hope all is well.  We haven’t chatted in a while and I apologize.  However, I can’t keep you guys out of the loop too long, right?  Well, wanna hear it, here it go…….

Let me start this story off by letting you know that it ain’t about ice cream.  Ice cream plays a big role in the story but it ain’t about that.  The moral of this story is that my daughter is a cold-blooded liar.  I don’t mean a little white lie type of liar; she’s a Richard Nixon, Watergate liar!  She’s off the chain with it!  To make matters worse, she isn’t any damn good at it!

Monday night, GFS comes home with a couple ice cream sandwiches to share with the fam.  Notice, I said a couple.  Not a box of them, not 7 or 8, a couple, meaning 2!  She tells lil mama that one of them is for her and she would take the other. (Note: there are 3 people that live in the house but she only bought 2, I’m just sayin…….)  So after dinner, we go upstairs and do whatever it is we do and left lil mama downstairs to wash the dishes.  I’m pretty sure you know where this is going…..

GFS goes downstairs to get her ice cream sandwich and of course…..it’s gone.  Naturally, we consider all options.  Maybe she dropped it outside by mistake, maybe she paid for 2 and only got 1, maybe the ice cream goblin snuck in the house around 10 pm and ate it.  Well, what do we find, 2 ice cream wrappers in the garbage.  Hmmmmmmm…..maybe the goblin was polite and threw away his rubbish. (Picked that word up in the UK, I like it)  B-B-B wait it gets worse….one of the wrappers was on top of the trash while the other was at the bottom.  Dun, Dun, Dun……..it’s on!  No ice cream goblins I know would do a thing like that! 

Moving on….

Well, we wake lil mama up and ask “why did you eat both ice cream sandwiches”?  What does she say, “I didn’t, and I don’t know what y’all are talking about”.  Woooord? (In my Jill Scott voice) We present the forensic evidence, fingerprints, blood spatter, shell casings, and of course the wrappers and she still says, “I didn’t eat it”. I’m looking at her like “you can’t be serious right now” but she was looking at me with tears in her eyes denying it. 

Scene 2: we wake up the next day and I ask again, “you sure it wasn’t you that took the ice cream”?  It wasn’t me daddy…..Notice, we are in day 2 of this lie right now but I say “okay”. (I’m giving this fool a chance to confess, make it right…..nope)

Well, we’ll fast forward to that night and at this point GFS is fed up and she commences with operation “Whoop Ass”.  I hear all kinds of yelling and thumping but I don’t say a word. (I was having a Top Chef moment anyway and didn’t want to break away from my gorgeous meal) Twenty minutes later, lil mama comes down and FINALLY admits that she ate both sandwiches.  Now, it’s time for the good part….

So, I look at this fool and couldn’t help but laugh.  I had to tell her how dumb it was to do what she did.  Not dumb in the sense that it wasn’t honest but dumb in the sense that it was just some dumb ass *ish! How in the hell you gonna steal 2 items when there are ONLY 2 ITEMS?  What kind of dumb ass *ish is that!  If there were 7 or so, maybe you can explain away one being missing.  YOU TOOK ALL OF THEM GENIUS!  In addition, you have no alibi or anyone else to take the blame.  NO ONE ELSE could have done it!  I’m looking at this fool like, really?  So, you just gonna lie all the way to the electric chair and hope that if you admit what you did your life will be saved?  Man, get off my phone with that *ish!  Oh, forgot to mention that when I asked her why she did it she replied, “I didn’t think I was gonna get caught”.   Wooooord? (In my Jill Scott voice again) Fool, ain’t no one else to catch!  You’re the only suspect!  Damnit boy!

Please don’t read this and think it’s about some damn ice cream sandwiches.  Hell, I’m sure they were only 2 for $1. Had she just said that she ate both of them I would’ve probably talked some *ish about her being greedy and told her to get out of my damn face.  I’m pissed that she rode that lie like she believed it in her soul; damn near cried about it. That fool had me wondering whether or not I ate it and forgot.  Had me believing in ice cream goblins and *ish!  Damn…..this girl swore up and down it wasn’t her and was going to stick with it.  Let me say this again, there were NO OTHER suspects but her!  How in the hell you think you can get away with some dumb ass *ish like that?  Done…….

What in the hell would Cliff Huxtable do?