Just a Little Something Extra.....

You can follow some of my shenanigans at twitter.com/foshead.

November 11, 2010

Public Service Announcemnt

Just thought I'd do a little something different this time.  I did have to get in lil mama's ass the other day for continuously trying to get over on me but I just didn't feel like typing it up.  When I say get in that ass, I had to break out the belt and pull a James Evans on her.  And yes, she pulled a Penny.  No Daddy, I'm sorry, I won't do it again, I'm sorry!  As soon as that belt hit that ass, no more words.  We had James Brown, Al Green, and Etta James in this camp hollering!  I felt bad afterwards but she had it coming.  I've been a parent for over 10 years and that is only the 2nd spanking (whoopin for my readers who know the deal) I've ever given her.

Do y'all believe in whoopin ass or is it bad parenting?

November 8, 2010

Teach me how to study, teach me, teach me how to study.....

First off, let me say thank you to all of the readers.  I do appreciate all of your kind words and support.  Those words go a long way.
Well, on to why we have a new post today.  School!  I’ll go on record by saying that I wasn’t the most astute student in the world but that wasn’t until high school.  In elementary, everything was pretty steady as she goes.  It doesn’t seem that way with my lil mama.  DAMN!  I will say this though, I don’t recall doing some of the stuff that they do now when I was in the 5th grade.  Maybe I was in the slow class and didn’t know it but it seemed like we were still trying to color in the lines and count to 20.  Lil mama comes home with questions about how to balance a check book and what is the diameter of the hypothalamus gland.  (Well, maybe not that intese but I'm just sayin.....) In the 5th damn grade!
With that said, I still don’t settle or accept mediocre grades.  I at least expect you to get all B’s.  I would love for you to be a straight A student but I don’t expect you to be able to build me a rocket.  It doesn’t take much to be a C student and that is what she aspires to be.  HELL NAW! 
I’ll be honest, math isn’t my thing.  I went to school and studied English.  I’m born in Indiana, raised in Texas, never left the country, and have a degree in English.  I challenged the hell out of myself, huh?  So, I can read, check.  I can write, check. I can speak the English language, check.  Hell yeah I’ll get a University to say that I’m an accomplished academic in this.
Enough about me…like I said, math isn’t my thing so I empathize with my lil mama and her math grades but a damn D in Social Studies.  Social Studies?  That’s like failing recess!  All you do is read, write, and recall.  There are no equations.  No formulas.  No theories.  You just need to remember who went were, when and why.  That’s it!  I asked her about the French Inquisition and she wanted to go to La Madeline.  WTH?
Ask my lil mama what happened on one of those Madea movies and she’ll quote every line.  Tell her to teach you how to Dougie and she will call Dougie and break out into a routine with him on the line.  Ask her about Justin Bieber and she’ll tell you how warm he likes his soup but ask her about a damn fraction….Child Please! 
I know there are more avenues out there.  Tutoring, learning centers, on-line programs; I get that.  My issue is with my child being alright with mediocrity.  She doesn’t even try.  I said, “Shag, go and read a book, do something different.”  At that moment, I think I saw a portion of her brain ooze out of her ear and drip on to her shirt.  It was like I asked her kill a kitten or something but just at that moment….the phone rang.  The sky opened, the sun came out, the sea parted, she woke up out of her trance like she had found the last golden ticket and Willy Wonka was at the damn door.  I think I popped a blood vessel telling her to get her damn ass off the phone!  WTH?
Maybe I’m tripping.  Maybe I am being too hard.  Maybe I need to just let her do her thing in hopes that she comes around.  Maybe I need to drink more and worry less.  Maybe I just need to be more like Cliff Huxtable…..

November 3, 2010

I Dream of Africa Too!

I will start this off by saying Dave, babydaddydiaries.blogspot.com, is my hero.  He is what a single father should be and what I aspire to be one day.  After reading a few of his posts, I need to step my damn game up!  Thank you, Dave! 
With that said, this isn’t a post about the wonderfulness of being a father.  This post is to vent a little about my pathetic excuse for a baby mama.  I gained custody for a reason.  That woman is unfit to care for a pet rock! (She once asked me if you needed a passport to go to Hawaii)  Yeah, I know…..
Truth be told, my daughter lived with her grandmother but my baby mama had custody.  Crazy, right?  The messed up part is that I had to pay child support for no damn support.  That’s like buying a bra that doesn’t work.  No support leaves your ninnies all over the damn place.  Just like my lil mama! 
I used to have to pay child support.  It’s called CHILD SUPPORT.  I’m breaking her off something proper each month to take care of lil mama and she’s taking care of herself.  (See clip below)

Note: I know I already posted this but I just had to do it again.  I used to do a little spoken word and she pissed me off and I just gave her the damn business on stage that night.  Oh yeah, it’s a little self plug for myself too though.
Taking my daughter shopping consisted of going through her closet and giving my daughter the things that she couldn’t fit anymore.  Dumb ass girl has a nine year old wearing skinny jeans and halter tops. My lil mama was still wearing shoes from 2 birthdays ago.  Soooo…..she looks like a stripper in training with bad feet and a skin rash.  Are you damn serious? 
Want to hear something funny?  This fool wanted me to pay her child support even though I have custody.  That is just ignorant as hell!  So I had to ask her, did she want me to rent Kylea from her?  Was it going to be Lease-a-Kid or something?  My attorney had to laugh at her ignorant ass for that one.
What am I left with?  Fifty dollars a month and where is she…..this fool has been in Nigeria for the past 2 ½ months eating foo foo, buying head wraps, and calling my damn house with a fake ass accent.  Fool, you’re from Houston!  Who does that?  Tell me!  Oh, yeah.  SHE DOESN’T HAVE A DAMN JOB!
I’ll digress…..I will leave my baby mama alone for now.  I just read one of Dave’s post and it made me a little angry, a little bitter, a little salty about my STD (Stuck with her ass Til one of us Dies) .  I felt like slapping the hell out of someone (the BM of course).  Boy Stop! 
Man…..I guess that’s why I ain’t Cliff Huxtable.