April 25, 2011
I know that my little girl isn’t going to stay a little girl forever (she’s far from that now) but damn, I’m not ready for this, man. Lil mama is built like….man she ain’t built like no 10 year old that I went to school with! There’s something in the milk!
Let me start by saying that I’m just not dealing with all of this too well. Case in point, I walk into her room the other day to wake her up for school and I pull back the cover and her Chi Chi is staring me in the face. MAN, I DON’T WANT TO SEE HER BREASTISIES!!!!! Daddies aren’t supposed to see those types of things. What’s crazy is, I wake her up mad like she did something! I looking at her telling her to put that damn *ish up and she’s looking at me like “what did I do”. Hell, she’s still half asleep. Man, I just wasn’t ready for that. I need her to sleep with a bra on or something, man……
Hmmm, another instance…….We were at softball practice and I was watching the girls run laps and it hit me like a “I’m Rick James B**ch* slap that my lil mama needs some new sports bras. I’m watching all these little petite little girls run around and I see my lil mama with breasts and cakes shaking everywhere! I wanted to snatch her up, run to the car wrap her in some plastic wrap like a spring roll! Don’t get me wrong, she isn’t a 10 year old wearing a double D or anything like that but her little nubs aren’t the usual nubs and I’m not feeling it. I want to get her an extra small spots bra but that might mess up some circulation or something. As she would say, “Daddy, that’s child abuse”.
I’m always telling her, “that’s too damn tight”, “that's too damn small”, “girl, I’ll bust you in the back of the head if you don’t take that off”…you know, stuff like that. Part of it is that she is a kid and doesn’t know any better. She wants to be a kid and doesn’t totally understand that she can’t wear the things the other kids wear. The other issue is her silly a** mama giving her the clothes that she can’t wear anymore. She thinks it’s alright to give lil mama her old Dereon jeans and halter tops. What the Hell!
Anyway, now I have to stay on her about wearing her robe and putting on a damn bra! I DON’T WANT TO SEE THAT *ISH!
It’s weird sometimes seeing all of this because at the core of her, she’s still just a little girl. My little girl! I look at her sometimes like, damn, this is some bull, but we’ll sit up and watch Sponge Bob together. I’m tripping about the Chi Chi’s and cake action but she still likes to act like a baby and get whatever she can out of me. We have to go down the woman isle at the store to get ‘stuff’ but we’ll bake cookies and watch “Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs”. Man, it’s crazy.
We still have a whole lot of work to do. I can’t teach her how to be a woman and I try not to fuss too much about what not to do as a woman. We’re still working on the whole “time of the month” thing and I’m trying not to stab her in the top of the head. I guess it’s a lot for a 10 year old to deal with but that doesn’t mean I want to! I will say that I have had help with it all, even the whole Chi Chi thing. I don’t know the first thing about bras (except taking them off but I’ve never been good at that either….sorry, I had a moment) Click this link to read about our bra fitting experience at JC Penny. I’ll say this, I had no idea breasts grew by the hour. Only at JC Penny…….
Maybe I need to calm down. Maybe I just need to accept the fact that my little girl is growing up. Maybe I need to lock her in her room, chain her to the bed, and bring her out when all of the other little girls catch up. Or, maybe I need to eat a pudding pop. Isn’t that what Cliff would do?
BTW…..I’ve been told that boys are cute. WHAT THE HELL???? Coming soon…..
April 4, 2011
The drought is over. Lil Mama finally came through and swung the bat. I’ll go one better than that, she hit the ball! The seas calmed, the skies opened, gas prices stopped rising, Charlie Sheen was sane for this special moment in time. (yes, yes, yes, we're WINNING!) It was magical, but I’ll get to that in a moment….
Shaggydoo caught a fly ball in outfield! WTH? I would’ve expected her to hit a grand slam before she would catch a ball. Whoa! I’ll paint the scene for you…..
The first batter of the game hits a fly ball into deep right (coach puts her in DEEP right field because he knows hell well that she can’t catch or throw and he hopes that nothing gets hit her way…I would do the same damn thing if I were him) and it comes right to her. Don’t get me wrong, it came directly to her. She shuffled her feet a couple times to get under it, put her glove up in the air, and the ball fell right into it. I’ll take it how I can get it but there was absolutely NO skill involved in that play whatsoever. What’s even more crazy, the stands erupted like she had just won the game. (it was the first damn out!) I get it though, everyone went nuts because they were sick of their kids carrying Shag and her doing nothing. In addition to the fact everyone expected the ball to fly right past her for a homerun. Jokes on y’all! (Even though I was thinking the same thing and reacted in the same fashion) They really wanted to say “it’s about damn time she does something” or “her sorry a** better not have missed that ball”. Well, she didn’t!
Now back to the batting…..as you remember my last post, I gave her the business for not swinging. Well, we’re hitting now! Don’t get it twisted, we haven’t hit the ball out of the infield yet but we hit the damn ball. And, of course, the crowd went wild like she won the damn game. It was a simple hit but you get it. I thought I was going to lose my s**t! I couldn’t believe it. Of course I’m super competitive and wanted her to hit the ball over the gate so I’m looking at her like “really, 6 ft? that’s all?” She could care less if the ball rolled 6 inches. She hit it and because of it, wants me to shut the hell up.
I’m sure you’ve read this and said to yourself “damn, this fool isn’t satisfied with anything, that poor baby can’t catch a break.” I’ll let you in on something, I’M SO DAMN PROUD OF MY LIL MAMA!!!!! I was the loudest mouth out there and if someone would’ve said something foul, I might have gotten escorted out. At that moment, I wanted to tell the rest of the parents to kiss my a** because my kid is better than some of their damn kids. Now I’m the parent that wants to say, “your kid doesn’t do any damn thing”. “Can she get a hit” “why won’t she throw the ball” “Damn, she can’t catch?” The tide has turned folks, the tide has turned!
I did my 25 push up in front of the team just as I promised and you know what, the next game she got a hit too. I really am proud and can’t stop smiling as I type this up. I’m just happy my kid isn’t the weakest link anymore. Has she gone H.A.M. and knocked the ball over the fence, no. But her 2nd hit was more like 9 feet as opposed to 6. Outside of me being overzealous, she is really enjoying herself out there. She’s interacting with her teammates and laughing with the coaches. She even told the pitcher “now what b***h” after she got her hit. I was so proud. (Not really, I would’ve slapped the s**t out of her had she done that as she isn’t supposed to be disrespectful or use foul language but I would’ve been like “hell yeah” on the inside)
Hopefully, we can keep the momentum rolling and I’ll give you guys a post saying she hit a grand slam and made a double play. Until then, I’ll just take it how I can get it and enjoy all of the moments that we’re having.
This time, I don’t really give a damn what Cliff Huxtable would do. What Sean would do is smile from ear to ear, give her a big hug and tell her how proud I am of her and how proud I am to be her father. Oh yeah, I already did that……