Just a Little Something Extra.....

You can follow some of my shenanigans at twitter.com/foshead.

October 28, 2010

That's Just Plain Nasty!

Spit (as an intransitive verb) – to eject saliva as an expression of aversion or contempt. (Merriam-Webster Online)
So, on my way home from work I get a phone call from my daughter as I do every day to let me know that she made it in the house safely.  I ask the usual questions like, do you have homework, how was school, what do you want to eat, and so on and so forth.   Before I can hang up the phone she goes on to tell me that she had “something to tell me”.  Usually, that means she’s:
A)     Gotten a bad grade
B)      Broke something in the house
C)      Didn’t do something she was supposed to or…
D)     Trying to come up with the biggest lie on earth to cover up for something that she’s done in hopes that I don’t find out or investigate.
Well, she goes on to tell me that a little girl on the bus spit on her.  Not just on her, in her damn mouth!  WTH!  I damn near wreck after she tells me but it’s okay, she’s on her cell phone.  I figure she’s calling me from the principal’s office, the back of a squad car, a juvenile detention center or something because I assume she beat the hell out of that little girl.  Hell no, she’s calling me from home!  She got spit on and did nothing about it.  Can you believe that?
I am not one to condone violence as I am not a violent person but….if someone spits on you, BEAT THE HELL OUT OF THEM!  I told my daughter that she should’ve ripped that girl’s arm off and beat her to death with it. 
I had to educate her that spitting on someone is the lowest of lows.  To spit on someone is one of the lowest forms of disrespect.  I would rather someone walk up to me and slap me opposed to spit on me. Spit, I just can’t wrap my head around it.
…..and to top it off, my daughter and the little girl are friends again.  WTH?  Man, I should’ve been bringing her cigarettes, putting money on her books, writing letters to her or something.  Spitting on my lil’ mama should’ve provoked an act of violence that is only matched by a higher authority than me placing restraint on her. We should’ve made the news with me pulling an Antoine Dotson!
Hide your kids, hide your wives, and hide your husbands from little girls that spit.  You can’t hide fool; my daughter has your scent and your DNA in her mouth!  I digress…..
Instead, she’s a damn spitty mess!
Man, she could've slapped her, pinched her, or been just as damn nasty and spit back at the filthy child.  Instead, she needs a damn tetanus shot and I am left wondering where I went wrong.  I guess that’s why I ain’t Cliff Huxtable.        

October 20, 2010

She’s Not Even a Teenager Yet!

I’ve been a father for a little bit over ten years now but I never would have guessed that I would be a single father. Honestly, I should’ve had this title a lot sooner but I wasn’t ready for the responsibility.  I am the father of a 10 year old girl and as I’m sure as some of you know, it is a challenge.  There was a point when her mother and I actually liked one another but….yeah.  I have toned my resentment for her down quite a bit but in case you need to understand, see the clip below.  (hee, hee, hee)
I gained custody of my lil mama back in August and it is nothing like I imagined.  NOTHING!
Man, this girl is crazy as hell!  She doesn’t like to bathe, comb her damn hair, brush her damn teeth, and to top it off, she got her lil visitor a few months ago.  I may not know what it’s like to go through it but I do know that it is nasty as hell if you don’t take care of stuff.  To her credit, there have been no MAJOR issues in that regard but I have to look at her with the side eye for a week each month.  I’ll digress on that subject…..
I don’t really know why she doesn’t like to brush her damn teeth but I can’t have yuck mouth running around my damn house either.  Breath smelling like butt crack.  What the hell!  I though little girls were supposed to want to smell fresh and be dainty.  Not mine.  She tries to have the dainty part down and she tries to be girly but it isn’t coming off right yet.  She likes fingernail polish and hair bows but she doesn’t like clothes or shoes.  She likes cheerleading and stepping but doesn’t like to comb her hair or iron clothes. Wait, she likes hair accessories but doesn’t like to comb it?   Again, WHAT THE HELL!
We’ve had some moments already and I’ll share those as the posts keep coming.  If not, CPS came and picked my ass up for kicking her in hers!
I haven’t hit her in the throat yet but she’s testing me something serious.  Okay, maybe that is a little harsh but we’re going to go blow for blow if she doesn’t get it together. 
I’m still trying to figure this parenting thing out but one thing is for sure, I ain’t Cliff Huxtable.