It almost went down.......

What’s up world?  How is everyone doing?  Well, I’m back with another installment and of course I’m about to go in.  Ready?

I have to share this with y’all.  Last week I was being a nosey father as I am learning that it is necessary to do so.  What do I come across…..a letter between her and her friend.  Oh damn.  As I read the letter, a big smile crept across my face as I knew it was about to go down.  I was going to whoop some a** like an Olympic champion.  Man, I was going to skin that poor child.  I couldn’t wait!  So, I call her in the room to go over the letter and to analyze the handwriting to see who was writing what.  We’re in there like First 48.  Godsfavoriteshoes was my assistant detective and were about to crack the case.  Well she swore all of the nasty stuff allegedly was written by her friend. I am no handwriting analyst and forensics was closed so I had to take her at her word.  Well, the case made it back to school and come to find out, lil mama was telling the truth.  It was her friend that was going to kiss Freddie and rub on him to make him like her back.  (I know, right!) I did find out that lil mama likes Alex and she knows what LMFAO means.  I’m still pissed because she went to “watch” this little girl kiss and feel on Freddie but I did go from Defcon 4 back to somewhere around 2.  It was about to go DOWN!  She has no idea how much Big Brother (me) is on that a** now.  Man…..

Well, another day, week, month goes by and this girl is up to more dumb stuff.  I just don’t get how her brain works.  I know that she’s only 11 but damn!  You just have to do dumb stuff all the time?  Really? Maybe it’s not even dumb at this point, at least not all of it.  Some of the stuff that is going on is becoming disrespectful and blatant.  I’m really not feeling that.  Case in point: Godsfavoriteshoes tells her to throw the apple core away downstairs when she’s finished eating the apple.  What does she do?  She wraps the apple up in a couple paper towels and tries to stuff it at the bottom of the waste basket in the restroom.  Soooooo…..you’re just going to do what you want to do?  That’s how we’re rolling now?  Hmmmmm……hell naw!  “Get yo a** up and get that crap out of the trash and take it downstairs before I snatch a plug out of yo damn head!”  She really tried to play us y’all. 

It gets better.  How many of you feed your furniture on the regular?  Seriously, do you ever feel like your love seat is looking a little hungry and needs some sustenance?  Do you ever just want to offer the coffee table a biscuit or something?  Lil mama does.  Searching the house for a phone that I don’t use pisses me off enough but what do I see when I look in the cushions of the couch?  Hmmmmm, let me see….

1.       An empty bag of Lays Potato Chips

2.       A half-eaten bag of Lays Potato Chips in a Zip-Lock bag

3.       A half-eaten Strawberry Yogurt Nutri-grain Bar

4.       An empty Jell-O Cup

5.       Three (3) popsicle sticks and wrappers

6.       Seven (7) Reece’s Peanut Butter wrappers

7.       Some Cheerio’s

8.       A half-eaten hot dog and a rubber (I’m just joshing about the last 2!)

So, I guess my couch was hungry or high because it had the munchies like a mutha f***a!  I lost it on that little girl.  Two things happened here, either she was too damn lazy to get up and walk TEN steps into the kitchen to throw stuff away or she’s hiding crap that she sneaks.  I swear that I don’t deprive or starve her y’all, we just have to watch what we eat.  Lil mama isn’t all that little and I’m just doing my best to keep her weight down. Either way, it is nasty as hell!  So, you just sit yo nasty a** up and watch TV and stuff food into the couch?  Where the do that at?  Apparently at MY DAMN HOUSE! I was at a loss for words because I couldn’t believe how nasty that was.  Fool, we don’t live at Pee Wee’s Playhouse! Just plain damn nasty……

I’m not Pee Wee, Cowboy Curtis, Jambi and damn sure not Cliff Huxtable!

I don’t want to ramble and make this post too long so it’ll be to be continued……