Just a Little Something Extra.....

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October 21, 2011

Sugar and Spice and Everything....Nasty?

What’s going on blog world?  Glad to be back in the fold and giving you a glimpse into my parenting life.  Man, it’s a trip as I am sure some of you can agree with.
Okay y’all, I need some help with this one.  This is a subject that is a trip and there isn’t really an easy answer, fix, or whatever it is you want to call it.  The last time I checked, I had a daughter, a girl, full of sugar and spice and everything nice.  That’s what it is supposed to be right?
Well, why is it that my daughter is just plain nasty as hell!  I don’t mean kind of nasty or a little nasty but nasty as hell.  I have to look at her from time to time and shake my damn head.  Yep, it’s that bad! 

Please keep in mind that we have had countless conversations about hygiene and cleanliness.  We've talked about taking care of little girl's "areas".  We've discussed the fact that because she's a little bigger than other girls she'll have to work a little harder and do more.  Does she listen, hell naw!  Just nasty!  I'm trying y'all, I promise.
Hmmmm…..let’s see.  This little girl came home from her Granny’s last Sunday AND DIDN’T BRUSH HER DAMN TEETH UNTIL THURSDAY!  Where they do that at?  She came home and I peeped on Monday that there wasn’t a toothbrush in the holder but I didn’t say anything.  Looked Tuesday, saw the same thing. Wednesday and then Thursday and I just couldn’t do it anymore.  Sooooooo, you just want to walk around for a week with yuck mouth?  Who does that? A week!  To add more fuel to the fire, she wasn’t going to say anything about it!  Who knows how long she would’ve walked around with doo doo tooth!  Man, get of my damn phone with that!
Grossed out yet, wait!  What woman,  girl, lady, etc. takes a 4 minute and 13 second bath/shower?  Unless you  are just trying to tighten it up and take a ho-bath, there is no damn reason for a young woman to take a 4 minute and 13 second shower. (yes, I timed it) Ninja please!
True story y’all.  When my daughter was 2 or 3 years old I used to call her Tuna.  Don’t really know why or how it came about but she was my little Tuna. (I even have a regrettable tattoo of Charlie the Tuna on my chest, don’t judge me) Women rang down from the mountain tops not to call her Tuna.  I was told that you can’t call a girl tuna for obvious reasons. I agreed.  Well…….now the damn name fits!  I hate doing it but as a father I have to whenever it happens.  It’s only right.  I have to tell my daughter “you’re a** is fresh and you need to go and take care of that!”  (I don’t do it in front of people or embarrass her and no, it isn’t an everyday thing.  However….) When I stink, I smell myself and  I want to go and fix the problem.  This fool acts oblivious to it and looks at me stupid like something is wrong with me and my nose.  Really?  That’s what 4 minute baths do for you……
Feet, a**, breath, under arms, head, every damn thing stinks man!  Oh, did I forget to mention, her room looks like a 3rd world country and smells like sweaty alligator back!  I have to go in there once a week and throw stuff away, move stuff around, tear stuff up, etc. and somehow it always ends up junky again.  WTH?  I know hell well it’s not me.  I have a small case of OCD and clutter, dirt, mess makes my skin crawl.  I’m notorious for just throwing stuff away.  Put it up or lose it!  I have to shut her door and act like that part of the house doesn’t exist.  Man, she gets on my damn nerves!

If I had a little boy y’all, I might not even trip.  I remember being that little dude.  I remember not wanting to bathe or clean up.  In a roundabout way, it’s expected from boys.  We’re just nasty.  Hell, some of us are nasty a** grown men. 
Look, at 11 years old I shouldn’t have to remind you to put on powder, deodorant, or brush your teeth. I shouldn’t have to tell you to take a bath AFTER YOU’VE BEEN OUTSIDE PLAYING SOFTBALL FOR THE PAST HOUR!  I shouldn’t have to remind you to take your Claritin.  Hell, I don’t want to hear you snorting, sneezing, clearing your throat and sniffing for the 30 minutes we drive to school.  Sound like a grizzly bear!  Ride in the damn trunk!
I’m done.  I don’t know, maybe hygiene will evolve over time.  Maybe she’ll just grow up and be nasty as hell.  Maybe she'll see the light and become Molly damn Maid.  Maybe I’ll make her musty a** sleep outside, who knows!
In this instance, I don’t want to be like Cliff Huxtable, Theo’s room was atrocious but lil mama’s ain’t too far off.  Just sayin…..


Keshia said...

This was a very funny but sad post. You should know that most little girls are nasty. Usually they grow out of it. I did and so did my sister. She wouldn't brush her teeth on the weekends and she called it a break. I didn't like to bathe & forget cleaning up my room until I was 11. I grew out of it and now I have OCD. So she'll probably grow out of it.

Juanette said...

First, those pictures are HELLA nasty 'specially those damn teeth! Second, a LITTLE case of OCD <_< ummm kaaaayyyy....and third, why you gotta time my dawg's shower??? Now I gotta time myself to make sure I ain't nasty as hell!!!!!!! Good stuff, veddy funny my bro. All I can say I keep hope alive like Jesse say.