Too Hot to Handle.....

                                                                 

Summer is upon us and that means that the heat is here!  Those of you who read this blog that live in Houston know what the word “heat” means.  Man, it’s hot as hell outside!  It’s get in the car and burn yourself on the seats hot.  It’s melt your CD’s in the car hot.  It’s “if your  A/C doesn’t work and you still drive placed during the day, you are a damn fool” hot!  Summer heat in Houston makes you not want to do anything.  What’s messed up about that is, it only gets worse!  This is just mid June.  When August comes around, people literally die.  Every year, 10 or so elderly people die in their homes because of the heat.  I better get prayed up because if hell is worse than this, I need to cancel that reservation now!

With all that said, I sent lil mama to softball camp this week.  I signed her up a couple months back with the idea that it will help get her skills up and make her a better player.  What happens after the first day?  “Daddy, it’s too hot to do this every day”.  Really?  You are really going to call me with this nonsense.  Does she know that I will snatch a plug out of her a** for that?  Too hot?  Fool, you only have to go to this camp for 4 days!  You can’t tough it out for four days?  What kind of kid are you?  Then I stepped outside…..I felt her pain.  I started sweating as soon as I touched the door.  I hadn’t even walked out yet. 

So, then I had to call lil mama back and tell her if she wanted to quit, I would understand.  I was fighting with that decision because you don’t just up and quit *ish.  Especially stuff I paid my damn money for! Just like the elderly, every year several kids die or pass out from heat exhaustion so I get it.  It is hot as hell outside.  But……I paid $250 for you to go to this damn camp for 4 days!  It’s from 9-4, that’s only 7 damn hours! You mean to tell me that you can’t make it happen for four days.  There’s no way in hell I would’ve been able to quit.  My mama would’ve looked at me stupid and told me the only way that I could quit is if I died out there!  I don’t believe in quitting so of course I’m in a bind.

I’m teetering on the side of child abuse by making her go out there in extreme conditions but at the same time, I don’t want my lil mama to hurt herself in any way.  Do you know what I could be doing with that damn $250?!

So, an hour or so later she calls back and tells me that she is going to go the next day.  Come to find out, she wore jogging pants out there with some thick tube socks and a T-Shirt.  Fool, you are going spontaneously combust in all that!  WTH!  So, she tells me that she is going to wear shorts and a tank top the next day.  Well, she calls me the next day to tell me that she had fun and really liked it.  She did however, tell them at one point that she needed to sit down because it was too damn hot.  Good job, Shaggydoo.  Good job. 

That really made me proud.  I was proud of the fact that she didn’t give up and she was going to tough it out.  She’s learning some new things and she’s enjoying herself.  I had a proud dad moment.  Because if she would’ve decided to quit I might’ve had a moment and slapped my $250 up out her a** on GP!  Going around wasting money, you’s a damn fool! 

I don’t remember it ever being hot in Huxtable land so I don’t really know what Cliff would do.  He always had on those damn sweaters……

Summer This and Summer That.....

I assume that a good portion of readers of this blog are parents so, just like myself, the end of the school year has been thrust upon you. What does that mean you might ask?  You know what it means!  Your kid spending more time with you and getting on your damn nerves!  School is a stress reliever for parents.  It offers sanctuary from the whining, begging, crying, complaining, and everything else that comes with having kids.  For 6 or so hours a day, they are someone else’s problem.  Now, they’re in your damn face all day wondering what we’re going to do next.

This post is from a different perspective.  You see, for the first 30 days of the summer I won’t have my lil’ mama with me.  Court documents say that she has to spend the first 30 days (consecutive days) with her mother.  It’s supposed to be 45 but I wasn’t having that.  That fool might have tried to take my damn baby to the motherland.  That’s where her silly a** was at for 8 months.  Hell naw!  Not working. Not doing volunteer work.  Not doing a damn thing.  Just there! (I have nothing against Africa or its inhabitants, I have a problem with that damn fool taking my child to another country) Anyway, lil’ mama left for her Granny’s house (where her mother is) the day school let out and she couldn’t wait!  I don’t even know if she told me bye.

There’s a big issue with the whole thing though.  She’s going to be over there for the next month seeing, hearing, and doing stuff that isn’t allowed in my house and after 30 days she is coming back and I am going to have to deal with it. I am going to have to deprogram her a** all over again.  It was hard enough doing it the first time and now I’ll have to do it again.  So much tomfoolery (I love that word) goes on over there.  Lil mama’s mama is an idiot sometimes and she lets her get away with murder.  It isn’t cool.  Manners, gone.  Respect, gone. Diet and exercise, gone.  It all pisses me off because we’ve put in so much work to get things where they need to be and it’s all going to come unraveled. I am no saint and it ain’t all good at my crib but there is structure and accountability.  I’m too easy sometimes and I do let lil’ mama get away with stuff but I don’t baby her, I’m not her friend, and she is responsible for herself and her actions. She doesn’t really like me and I’m more than alright with that.

I’m trying not to be pissed about it because there isn’t much I can do.  I can only sit back and wait to see the mess that comes back home. 

On a brighter note, lil’ mama was commended on the Science portion of the State test.  I was really proud of her but it makes me wonder what was tested.  This is the same child that circled; D) a table, as the answer to the question “Which one of these solids can change forms and be poured into a glass?” Technically, you can do a lot to a table to pour it into a glass but she wasn’t thinking that way so don’t try it y’all!  Especially when the other choices were ice cube, butter, and wax. (something like that) Before you say, “this boy’s child is dumb as hell”, she missed like 10 out of 20 and after I checked, all her answers were dumb a** answers.  Well, she was rushing to go outside and just chose whatever.  PISSED ME OFF!  After I punched her in the back of the damn head and made her redo her homework, she got them correct. Anyway, she got commended on the test so I’m assuming that she took her time.  Or, she cheated or guessed her a** off! Either way, I was a proud papa!

Well, again, there isn’t much I can do about her leaving and to be honest, I miss her a little.  Not a lot, she gets on my damn nerves!  However, I do miss her and I’ll be happy when she comes home.  She won’t, at all, but I will. 

Remember how nice and sweet the Huxtable grandparents were? They didn’t have a deranged mama living it up off the government and child support sleeping on their couch.  Well, at least they didn’t show those episodes on TV. Well, my lil mama’s grandparents and *ish like the Huxtables and I’m not either……