I Don't Want No Scrub!

Moral victory? Who made that up?  Who decided it was a good thing to shake the other teams hand after they beat the hell out of you?  That isn’t cool.

I was speaking with my sister-in-law as her kids played in the same league that Shaggyd00 played in.  Her youngest girl (she has 2) played on a really good team and regularly won.  She goes on to tell me that they let another team win because that team hadn’t won all year.  What?  Really?  She said it was good for the other girls to get a win; it would help to build their self esteem.  What?  Really?  Where they do that at?  As she told me the story, I looked at her like she had a dookie stain on the side of her face because we don’t do that where I come from. 

I wanted to tell her, F*%# those kids, F*%# the coaches, and F*%# the parents in the stands saying “good job girls!” (But, she’s a Christian woman so I couldn’t come at her like that.)  Really, your kid didn’t do anything!  How in the hell was it a good job.  Oh, I get it…..it was a coincidence that our best players just happened to trip running around the bases.  Oh, it’s just by chance that our girls didn’t hit the ball today.  Oh, it’s just by chance that our girls let the ball roll into the outfield.  Man…..it ain’t by chance that your sister, daughter, niece, is sorry as hell!   That is the issue.

Is it our team’s fault that y’all suck?  Practice harder. Get better players.  Don’t make us take a loss because your girls aren’t good enough to win.  Tell them to try another sport!  Maybe the coach sucked and they didn’t work on the things that they need to but don’t make our girls take a loss for y’alls sorry behinds. 

So, if I get in trouble at home and my dad is going to punish me it’s cool to say, “Oh, thanks for whoopin my ass dad.  I’ll see you next time.  I’ll bring my A game and wear thicker pants.” Hell naw!

Y’all know me; I’m not in denial at all.  My kid sucks. I attribute it to it being her first time ever playing but still, she ain’t no damn good.  It is what it is.  I promise you, I won’t be asking the other team’s pitcher to throw her some easy ones.  Hell no!  If she can’t hit the damn ball, her bad! 

“Oh, excuse me coach…uh…my daughter is pitiful at the game of softball and it would make her feel so great if she knew y’all aren’t trying and are letting them win.  Coach, her self esteem will be through the roof to know that you let her hit one.  Coach, she won’t earn it but you making her know she sucks even more than she does will be awesome. Thanks, coach. I really appreciate you making her think that she’s a good player when you and I both know she’s terrible.”  Hell naw!

I understand certain circumstances, I really do.  I saw a story on ESPN where the other team let a blind kid hit some free throws in a game.  I saw a story where a father ran his son, who was confined to a wheelchair, into the end zone after the other team said it was alright.  I get those types of stories.  Those are children who will never get the opportunity to compete in sports in a normal setting.  Those are touching stories and I would do it in a heartbeat if I were a coach.  But, just because you suck doesn’t mean that I am going to do it.  There’s nothing wrong with your team other than the fact that they need to practice and work harder.  Hell No!  Not on my watch!

BTW….I beat the hell out of her in Monopoly last night.  I tried to warn her.  I told her that I’m not letting her buy property, get by without paying, skip spaces, etc.  I ain’t giving her a damn thing.  She is going to work to be a better player at whatever she does and I’m not going to make it easy.  She’ll appreciate and understand it more later. What kind of lesson is that teaching her if I do?  You can suck at everything in life but eventually, someone is going to feel sorry for you and help you out.  Yeah, okay…..

 On a side note, she did ask why they have to shake hands after a loss.  I was proud at that moment because I’ve always hated that myself.  If I lose, I want to walk down the line and tell every person in the other jersey “F%#@ You and your damn parents!”  So, I don’t even think she would want a damn handout.  Gotta love it!
                                   

Anyway, y’all remember the episode where Rudy was going beast mode on the football field? Sweet Feet!  Well my kid is ‘Left Feet’ so by those standards, I ain’t Cliff Huxtable…….