A couple weeks ago, I read a comment to one of my posts that had me a little beside myself. My initial reaction was to comment back and say something ugly but I had to sit down and think about the context of the comments. After reading it again, and again, and again, I can see where the reader was coming from. While the comments still sting a little, there is truth and validity to them. So, I figure I need to clear up a few things are set the record straight…..
I have gone in on my baby mama several times on this blog and in fairness, she hasn’t had the chance to defend herself of tell her side of the story. Maybe the person who left the comment is a baby mama and is sticking up for her sister. Maybe she is a woman that doesn’t like me slandering another woman. Hell, maybe she was just having a bad day. Whatever the reason, I took offense to it and I’m not sure if I should’ve. The comments read as below:
“You are the one who had a kid with her! Oh and intelligence genes come from the mama. You are in for one hell of a ride.”
All of it is true, I think. Not sure about the intelligence thing but I don’t want to take the time to research. Yep, I had a kid with her so that probably knocks my intelligence meter down a notch. There were several factors into me having a kid with her:
1. I was jobless, broke, and trifling as hell so I was living off of her.
2. I was 20 years old and not very bright.
3. The snacks were great at the time. (I won’t go into details but 20 yrs old + nothing but time = whipped) I’m just saying…..
So, needless to say, I set myself up for failure with that one. On top of all of that, I saw the signs on the wall long before she was pregnant. She didn’t get crazy 11 years later. She’s been crazy for 32 damn years. I’ve known the baby mama since I was 11 and not much has changed. The elevator stopped on the 4th floor then and it stops on the 4th floor now. I won’t go into details about it all but when you ask someone else to count your change after you buy something because you want to know if it’s right, well, out of order elevator! I knew all of this going in but I just didn’t walk away.
My mama told me, my dad told me, everyone told me but I was “in love”. Man, please! I was stuck on stupid and sliding on dumb! She had her son in high school and I didn’t hit the brakes then. Hell, at that age I just figured that meant she was giving it up. I thought I was lucky. Don’t get it wrong, there are plenty of women who have children in high school and turn out successful. I say what I said to say, she didn’t take care of her son then, when I got with her, or now. She didn’t defy the odds. Nothing said, “Sean, don’t have a kid with this fool, she doesn’t even take care of the one she has”. Nope, I heard something say “Face down, a** up, that’s the way we like to …….”
Maybe I deserve all of this crap I am getting from her. I put her through hell when we were together. I wasn’t a model person, baby daddy, or man. Truth be told, I sucked. But, I figured it out and I’m still working to be the best father I can be. I called the repair guy to get my elevator moving again. Now, we’re in the penthouse and steady building. As for her, you’re better off taking the damn stairs.
All in all, I’m stuck with her ass (My baby mama, not my mechanic. I am going to keep my mechanic though.)! I’m tired of getting off on the 4th floor and walking to the 10th while dealing with her but it ain’t up to me to fix it. At this point, I think the parts are obsolete and that elevator can’t be fixed. If the intelligence gene comes from the mother, I pray that lil mama got a skipped generation or something. I can’t have her asking me if Alaska is a foreign country.
Well, I’m not perfect, haven’t always been a good father, and I’m definitely not an elevator repair man but, taking the stairs gets old. Oh yeah, I ain’t Cliff Huxtable either…..
8 comments:
*smh*
I clapped then cringed then clapped again at the honesty but I need you to leave Uncle Luke out of this:)
AND...you are deciding if you are giving me the job? I'm deciding if I want it! Don't do me Uncle Luke!
Signed,
Shotgun Rider.
P.S...your baby mama gonna be mad if she reads this...lol!
I sometimes worry about the intellegence gene, the stubborn gene, the just don't give a ***k gene.
However I choose to stay focused on the leadership gene, the academia gene, the creative thinker gene, the musically inclined gene.
I fight head on characteristics that aren't necessarily related to the baby daddy. Laziness, again stubborness, or as one teacher called it "lack of number sense." I don't try to blame the father at all. It's just something we have to deal with. Everyone one has to deal with their childs own characteristics. And also, live the consequences by dealing with the person they chose to co parent with. No since focusing on this negative aspect tho.
I like the way you handled that comment...I wouldn't have been so nice.
While everyone is entitled to their opinion, there is never a need for anyone to leave a rude comment, when it is MUCH easier to just keep it moving and go read elsewhere.
If the person had an issue with something you said, that should have been voiced. Insulting your intelligence was just unnecessary.
Never having been a baby mama but having dealt with guys with Baby Mama Drama, I can't say that I disagree with the comment from the other person. Guys will hit you with the "she's crazy, she's trifling, she got pregnant on purpose" but they knew what they were dealing with before they had a child with the woman. If she was materialistic, trifling, lazy, spiteful or had a 3rd grade education before, odds are she's gonna be that way X a thousand after you impregnant her and X a million if the two of you don't stay together.
I think it's admirable that you are trying to undo the damage that she has undoubtedly done but it's gonna take a minute because Lil Mama has had years of a trifling role model and probably prefers it because she wasn't being held accountable.
Whenever you let people into your world you're going to receive some feedback and I don't think the comment was necessarily rude, he/she was speaking the truth, you did choose this woman to have a child with. I'm glad that you are taking responsibility and being honest about your thought process (however effed up your thought process was at the time, lol) and baby mama ain't gonna be mad when she reads this because baby mama don't read!
I left the comment. I wasn't trying to be rude. It just irked me that you go in on your baby mama,when like you said,she didn't get crazy yesterday.
I applaud you for growing up and taking care of your daughter. The gene comment was mean,I am sorry. The years of having a bad role model can be undone.Look at Oprah.
I wish you love and success as you raise your daughter.
The honesty was refreshing. And at 20 years old, very few of us had it together...lets be real. You're still wet in the pants at 20. Don't beat yourself up. You did what one is supposed to do...you grew up.
Ditto what most commenters wrote.
Your honesty is wonderful.
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