"The U"

I know some of you saw the title of this post and immediately thought of the Miami Hurricanes.  Some of you had thoughts of Michael Irvin, Warren Sapp, or even The Rock.  Well my friends, I am not even almost talking about that famous Florida university.  However, I am talking about school.

As is my hope, all of you who read this attended some version of elementary or middle school during your time on earth.  During your time there, you were graded on conduct as well as your grades.  Your grades ranged from A to F.  “A” being the best and “F” being the worst.  Conduct was based on a scale of E to U.  “E” being the best and “U” being the absolute worst.  Basically, a U was like the equivalent of having a 50 for the semester.  It means you went out of your way to be a complete a**hole and disruption to the class.  Well, all of that said will now bring me to my point….

How in the hell does a 12 year old child get a U?  I’m just saying.  So, I check lil mama’s grades periodically and this fool has a U.  Hell, she got a U on her damn report card.  Really?  I’m still trying to figure out what the hell she had to have been doing to get a U.  There are more than a few educators in my life and ALL of them acknowledge that getting a U is almost impossible.  It means that you are in class slapping kids, watching porn, cooking dope, and making moonshine.  I mean seriously, you have to be doing some ratchet things to get a damn U.

Speaking of ratchet, why in the hell does my kid insist on trying to be ratchet?  Does she have some ratchet ways and or tendencies, of course.  Does she see ratchet behavior from time to time, you bet she does.  However, you’re a spoiled brat who would be scared of your own shadow in a well lit room, full of people, with a gun in hand and a police officer by your side.  Ma’am, sit yo wanna be hood a** down somewhere and learn something!  This little girl has me HOT!  On top of the fact that you at school doing God knows what, the U that you have managed to get has a direct correlation to the poor grades you’re receiving.  “Keep yo mind in them books and off them  gals” (in my Robin Harris from House Party voice) Even though I’m pretty damn sure here quick, not fast, a** is thinking about a damn boy that probably can’t even read! 

Okay, I digress y’all.  I went off the radar with my blogging a while back because things happened and lil mama doesn’t live with me anymore.  I won’t go into that but I would split her head down to the white meat if she was still living with me and acting a fool like that.  (Note: when she lived with me, her grades and conduct were up to par….just saying) I tolerate a lot of things but being a dummy is something I can’t deal with. 

I know my kid isn’t dumb because of some of extravagant lies she used to tell. (read some of my previous posts and you’ll get it) It’s hard for me to impose my will or be strict from a distance but from what I was told, everything was cool.  Fine.  I will fall back and pray that my child doesn’t end up a meth dealer, a female pimp, a circus performer, a crash dummy, or a librarian. (not sure why I added that but librarians are creepy….just sayin) Notice I didn’t say stripper.  Strippers make good money and I may need to hit her up for a loan.  You never know.

I’m sure Cliff would be up at the school having a conference with Mrs. Westlake, I ain’t Cliff Huxtable.

Oops I've done it again.....

It’s been a REALLY long time since I posted anything as things in the parenting world changed for me.  At the time, I was just going to shut it all down but low and behold, I’m about to start it all over again.  Yep, got another one on the way.  And you know what’s even better, I ordered up another lil’ mama.  For those of you who read my previous posts know about my many difficult, and sometimes fun, adventures I had with my oldest daughter.  Everything from lying, to sneaking, to just being plain damn nasty.  If not, please peruse the site and enjoy.

Well, it’s been 13 years since I’ve had to be the caregiver for someone who can do absolutely nothing but lay in one spot and poop and sleep all day.  So, I am pretty sure I am out of practice.  Back when I was a wee lad, I rather enjoyed getting up in the middle of the night and fixing bottles, and feeding, and changing diapers, the whole nine.  Well, that was back when I was living ghetto fabulous, didn’t work, didn’t want to, and wasn’t going to.  I didn’t have *ish else to do so why not be a good dad, right?

Now that I am a little wiser, not much, but a little, and more in tune with the rest of the world, I am about to embark on the journey again.  However, this time, I’m going to be mad as hell when I have to get at 2 in the morning for a hollering ass kid.  I’m going to be mad as hell when I have to walk around in circles to get the kid to go back to sleep.  I am going to be furious when the baby has a diaper rash, can’t sleep, is hungry, and wants to be held; especially when I worked all day and went to school for another 4 hours.  Hell naw! Baby is going to be a hollering ass!

With that said, I do have a sidekick in this baby saving adventure. Godsfavoriteshoes is my road dawg and little does she know, she’ll be doing most of the heavy lifting.  Hell, lil mama will be here in the summer, she doesn’t work in the summer, so….what do y’all think is going to happen?  I’m just saying. (I’m sure she is going to read this and chop me in half but…….)

As much as I am complaining, I am truly happy.  It has been a long time coming but this time was meant as I wasn’t ready for anything like this in the past.  Hell, I wasn’t ready at 21 so all the years leading up to this, I kinda got my mind right.  Me and the Mrs. are ready to turn this baby into something special.  I do know she better have some type of talent, athletic ability, smarts, something because I don’t plan to work forever.  Yep, I am going to exploit all of her talents for the greater good of the household.  Think Beyonce’s dad or the Williams sisters’ dad.  Yeah, something like that.  Just sayin…..

Anyway, I will be posting regularly as I have the itch again and new material.  My other lil mama, the one the majority of this blog is about, she’s still around.  Things have changed but she’s still my girl so y’all don’t put out a missing persons reports on her. 

Cliff didn’t have any kids as we got to know the family.  He did however, deliver plenty of them.  Not sure if I would’ve trusted him delivering mine.  Just sayin…..